


Inescapable Orbits

by AutumnTribe



Series: Seoul Pedestrian Traffic [2]
Category: Block B
Genre: Emotional Conflict, Friends With Benefits, M/M, More RPS......the shame is fading, Unrequited Love, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-16 08:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7259527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnTribe/pseuds/AutumnTribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taeil was still trying to catch his breath when Jihoon captured his left hand and traced the panther's whiskers, then lifted it to his mouth to kiss each letter on Taeil's fingers: K, I, S, S.</p><p>It was sweet, and confusing, and Taeil just watched and tried to absorb Jihoon's version of love through his fingers...</p><p>----------</p><p>This is a series of companion pieces to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/7109125/chapters/16149988#">Strange Music</a>, elaborating upon the relationship between Taeil and Jihoon that exists prior to Junhong entering Taeil's life.  It can stand alone, but is better if set against that backdrop...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gravity, pt I

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters 1 and 2 take place between chapters 7 and 8 of Strange Music.
> 
> ...Where did the plush monkey go? If Taeil didn't go home, where was he?

"You figured something out?" Taeil stood at the threshold between the foyer and the living room, immobile, his fingers clasped in the sides of his oversized grey button down.

Jihoon waved him closer, smiling. "I don't know what you're talking about, but come here."

"Jihoon..." Taeil told himself he'd keep a distance this time. He was just bringing the monkey plush that Jiho had bought. "I didn't mean to stay. This was just going to be a drop off, not a visit."

"Visit anyway." Jihoon came to him, since he wasn't cooperating. He pried Taeil's hands loose from his shirt and used them like leads to pull him further into the room. "I've been bored all evening... Tell me about your meeting. Did he do anything awful this time?"

Taeil sighed, plodding clumsily after Jihoon until they reached the couch. He wasn't sure if this was meant to be a friendly visit, or more, so he hesitated when Jihoon sat down. "He was okay. Nice, actually. He finally showed up, stayed awake, talked, and put some real effort into this thing."

"I'm still mad at him for making you sit outside in the cold all evening." Jihoon tugged him forward, letting one hand go in order to hook his fingers behind Taeil's knee and pull it onto the couch near his hip. Taeil went with the motion, sitting on his lap with one leg on either side of him.

"Jihoon..." Why did he always say it like it was a plea? He felt irritated with himself. "What are we doing here? Are we talking about the obligations I've accepted, or are we fucking?"

The hurt look that crossed Jihoon's face undermined his irritation. He laid his head on Jihoon's shoulder, letting him hold on for a few minutes, listening to him breathe. "You're so important to me, Taeilie. You're my very best friend. Don't say things like that."

He probably meant the 'important' part, too. Just, not the way Taeil would, if their positions were reversed. "I'm sorry... It's been a long couple of weeks. I just feel..."

"I know." Jihoon rubbed his back, turning his head to mouth along Taeil's neck and ear. "I know how you are. You care so much about people, even when you try to hide it. ...Even when you don't really know them, like this guy."

Taeil sighed, neither resisting nor going along with anything Jihoon was doing. "I'm just worn out."

"Don't drive home, then." Jihoon pushed his hands under the hem of Taeil's shirt, laying them flat against his back. "Stay here. Spend the night with me."

Yep. Fucking. Taeil let Jihoon push them tighter together. Kissed him back when their mouths brushed. He spoke against Jihoon's lips. "I have another meeting tomorrow afternoon."

"That's okay..." Jihoon rolled his hips up against Taeil's bottom, let him lean back a little and started unbuttoning his shirt. "I work from noon until nine, anyway."

"You never work." Taeil teased, shrugging out of his shirt when Jihoon pushed it off his shoulders. He braced his hands on Jihoon's knees and leaned further back, watching as Jihoon traced the inseam of his pants with three fingers. It was meant to be teasing and suggestive, and it definitely sent a message to his dick, but he couldn't help thinking of Junhong's eyes following a similar path just a few hours earlier. He shuddered.

"Is that good or bad?" Jihoon did the same thing again, on the other leg. "You've never done that before."

"I don't know." Taeil grumbled, projecting the confusion and irritation he felt with himself onto Jihoon. "Maybe we could quit playing games, here?"

He glared as Jihoon pursed his lips, mock serious, and shook his head. It had been Jihoon's unstoppable enthusiasm that made Taeil fall for him in the first place. "You're sexy when you're annoyed. Besides, you like playing games with me."

"I'm glad this works for you." Taeil lifted himself up on his knees, unbuttoning his fly as Jihoon stretched to nip at the owl inked across his chest, then closed his lips around the small ring in Taeil's right nipple. He was well aware of how sensitive that was. "Fuck! Jihoon! Can we get off this couch and take this to bed before you kill me?"

Jihoon chuckled against his chest, sucked the warm metal and teased it with his tongue before letting it go. "You won't die."

"Okay, true..." Taeil admitted. "You might, though, if someone sees us through your windows."

Not that it was likely, with Jihoon's luxury apartment being so high up, but the comment had its effect. Taeil was swept up, embarrassingly easily, and carried to the bedroom. Jihoon dropped him on the bed, then tugged his pants off. "I hate these white jeans."

"They're gone." Taeil shrugged, laying sprawled in his underwear while Jihoon was still fully dressed in Geoffrey Beane raw silk pants and bamboo knit top. He considered ripping part of Jihoon's outfit, but it had never gained him more than a whined complaint in the past. "....My skin is a designer original."

"I know." Jihoon crawled over him. "It makes me want to keep my clothes on, just to compete with you."

"Don't." Taeil pushed the shirt up, so Jihoon's smooth chest and stomach pressed against him. "I'm not competing with you."

Jihoon chuckled, his voice dropping lower than normal. "Undress me."

"Lazy." Taeil teased, even as he pushed the top over Jihoon's head and off, onto the floor. "Should I get your pants too, baby?"

"With your teeth?" Jihoon brought this up every time Taeil gave him an opening. He wouldn't be surprised if he found a way to talk about it to strangers, maybe calling Taeil a girlfriend. "That was really, really sexy Taeil."

"You'd better not ever forget it, cuz it'll take a lot of soju to make me reenact it." Taeil unzipped Jihoon's pants the normal way. He had to be careful to avoid Jihoon's erection. "Oh my. Is that for me?"

"You never say that when I give you jewelry." Jihoon groused.

"Be grateful." Taeil pulled Jihoon's hips closer, taking his dick into his mouth. That put a sudden end to conversation, as Jihoon was temporarily reduced to incoherent noises and growled encouragement.

He tugged Taeil's hair when it began to be too much. "Wait... I want to make love to you."

And that hurt a bit, because Taeil knew Jihoon didn't love him. He stared as Jihoon finished undressing them, and laid back when Jihoon covered him. He let his thighs fall open and gasped when Jihoon prepared him, and lifted his hips when he was ready to push inside.

It was all routine.

A little later, when everything was quiet, Taeil thought again about emotional distance and inescapable orbits. He ruffled Jihoon's already untidy hair and massaged the back of his neck. As was often the case, he found himself breathing in Jihoon's rhythm.

"What were you talking about me figuring out...?" Jihoon mumbled sleepily against Taeil's chest.

Taeil shifted them both to a more comfortable position, feeling lost and tired. "Its nothing."


	2. Gravity II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This continues where Gravity I left off, now on the morning of the same day that is chapter 8 of Strange Music...
> 
> Why was Taeil so dressed up?

Taeil woke up earlier than he liked, his leg cold where it was uncovered and back hot from Jihoon lying partially over him. He wanted to fall back asleep, but his mind started rolling and there was no way to relax, so he slid out of bed and crept out of the room, wrapping one of Jihoon's ridiculously big and insanely decadent sweaters around himself as he went.

He should take a shower. Most of his friends would say he was disgusting walking around with sweat and other things still on his skin from the previous night, but he didn't feel like fussing yet. He rummaged around Jihoon's kitchen, stole a sweet roll and a glass of chocolate milk, and peeked out the balcony door as he ate.

Jihoon's balcony was one of his favorite places, big and elegant and well furnished as it was, overlooking the river... But, he never went outside on mornings he woke up there. It would look strange, and Jihoon wouldn't want his parents to know about many aspects of their 'relationship'.

Thinking about it annoyed Taeil. He finished his drink and set the glass on a side table before returning to the bedroom. Jihoon had rolled into his spot, and though he could reasonably take the other side of the bed, he leaned over and flicked Jihoon's ear instead. "Scoot over. I'm cold."

He should have expected Jihoon to pull him back into bed, but he was surprised when he was dragged down. Jihoon rolled over him, extra touchy freely in his half awake state. His hands were braced at the bottom of Taeil's ribcage, his leg pushed between Taeil's thighs, when he lifted his head from Taeil's neck, sounding confused. "You're wearing my Dior?"

"I was cold. Didn't know it had a name." Taeil shrugged, spreading his fingers across Jihoon's shoulder, staring at the contrast between Jihoon's perfect skin and his tattoos.

"I like it on you. Especially like this, with nothing else."

"You just woke up horny." Taeil nit picked. "Besides, your taste has always been questionable."

"Don't fight with me." Jihoon sighed against Taeil's collar. He pressed an open-mouthed kiss there and sucked until the skin tingled and ached.

"Don't do that... I hate that." Taeil groused. Jihoon went through hickey phases and each seemed more annoying than the last. It felt like an advertisement for something he didn't want known, and was just one of many ways Jihoon insisted upon riding the line between hidden and public.

"It'll fade." He rubbed his thumb across the mark. "I want a picture of it."

"No." Taeil squirmed, trying to get out from under Jihoon, though in their current positions it was a waste of effort. Jihoon just pinned his thighs under each arm and leaned on him and he was trapped.

"I won't take a picture." He promised, only to destroy the illusion of contrite sincerity by waggling his eyebrows. "After all, I can always make more..."

"Jihoon, quit." Taeil tried to sound annoyed, but he heard the powerlessness of his own protests. Rather than continuing a pointless struggle, he went limp under Jihoon.

Jihoon made a small, content sound and shifted against Taeil, pressing his hips down suggestively, his dick hard against Taeil's stomach and his long fingers almost ticklish on the backs of Taeil's thighs.

Taeil hummed his acceptance and Jihoon chuckled, got his legs under them, and pushed Taeil's thighs down so they were near the sides of his chest. Amusement crinkled the corners of his eyes. "I could tickle you so bad and you'd be helpless..."

"For a few minutes, maybe. But you'd lose your chance to fuck me this morning." Not a great threat, since they were both hard, but it was all he had at the moment. "Now, I know it's a tough choice, but make up your mind. This is a seriously unflattering position to be stuck in... And, it's getting hard to breathe."

"You're so crude..." Jihoon slid one hand from Taeil's thigh to his bottom; pressed with his thumb. "Do you think we could skip a few steps?"

"Maybe one, but use lube." Taeil insisted. He reached for the bottle, but it was too far.

Jihoon smirked, leaning over him, pressing all air from his lungs. He snapped open the cap and poured lube into his palm. A shudder wracked down his spine as he applied it. "Ugh. Cold."

"It could be warmer, if you had any patience." Taeil snorted, but Jihoon pressed forward, pushing in, and the snort turned into a groan. "Jesus, Jihoon. You sure know how to treat a girl."

"Shh." Jihoon rolled his hips forward a few times, slowly, testing. "You feel good."

"Touch me..." Taeil whispered, breathless for too many reasons, and Jihoon finally just complied. His big hands were intensely warm, contrasting sensually with the cool air of the bedroom.

The sweetness of being touched; of being slowly taken apart, didn't last long. Jihoon probably felt too close too quickly, because he pushed Taeil toward climax, fucking into him fast and hard while stroking his dick. Taeil let it go that way, gasping for breath and whimpering at each push until he came, helpless, at the hands of Pyo Jihoon. He shuddered through the aftershocks as Jihoon followed him down.

Maybe it was the age difference, or maybe it was just another perfect thing about Jihoon, but he recovered quickly. Taeil was still trying to catch his breath when Jihoon captured his left hand and traced the panther's whiskers, then lifted it to his mouth to kiss each letter on Taeil's fingers: K, I, S, S.

It was sweet, and confusing, and Taeil just watched and tried to absorb Jihoon's version of love through his fingers. Then Jihoon pushed him over and climbed out of bed.

Later, after they'd both showered, when Taeil was pondering his options for clean clothes, Jihoon parked behind him in his mahogany-paneled dressing room, wrinkling his nose at the few articles of Taeil's clothing that had come to live there.

He held up a garment bag, looking overly self-satisfied. "Since it's already noon, I thought, maybe you could wear something I bought for you."

"I don't dress like you." Taeil observed blandly.

"I know, but you'll like it." Jihoon leaned down, kissing behind Taeil's ear. "It's Dior. You know how sexy Dior can be."

"Ass." Taeil sniped, affectionately. He really didn't have a lot to choose from, anyway. He'd only kept his most expendable clothes there. He could possibly go home before picking up Junhong, but it would be rushed, and his choices were wearing the same thing he'd worn yesterday, looking especially shabby, or the garment bag. "I'll wear it, whatever it is."

Jihoon whooped, a bit too loud, and pressed the bag into Taeil's hands. "I'll get eyeliner. You can't go out in designer clothes without finishing the picture. And a hat... A nice hat..."

He was off, searching his closets, and didn't notice the way Taeil looked after him, then at his own reflection. He wasn't a fashion plate. Small eyes, lots of ink, disobedient hair. He sighed.

Years on stage had taught him makeup, so he complied, drawing his eyes out wider and larger. Jihoon insisted upon helping him dress, fitting him into leather pants that must have been two sizes too small and then petting him through them. "You look huge in these."

Taeil seized the opportunity for humor. "I am huge. Everyone always says so."

Jihoon nodded, waggling his eyebrows again. He turned back to the garment bag and removed a long, button down shirt in black silk, with a contrasting yoke of checkered red. "I wish I'd bought a boat neck sweater, but this is it. Nobody will see your collar... But I'll know what's there."

Taeil used to love when Jihoon was like this, clingy and affectionate, but it always passed. He slipped the shirt on, hiding how much he liked the silk against his skin, and began buttoning it. Jihoon adjusted the way it was laying. He traced over Taeil's nipple ring with a fingertip and watched him in the mirror for a reaction he didn't give.

"These sleeves don't have any buttons..." Taeil felt stupid as soon as he spoke. "Oh. They need cuff links."

"Wear mine." Jihoon began setting  
gold cuff links into the buttonholes before Taeil could suggest rolling up the sleeves. His focus didn't wander until the work was done, then he nipped Taeil's knuckle where the tiny crown was, at the base of his right ring finger. "...you could get a tattoo for me..."

It wasn't the first time the subject had been broached. Taeil shook his head. "You know I won't."

Jihoon sighed. "You don't love me enough." As he began styling his hair, Taeil wondered how much easier his life would be if that were true.

He was almost ready to escape when Jihoon stopped him again. "Take me to work?"

"What? Jihoon, this is getting ridiculous." Taeil argued. "Why are you so needy right now? I'm supposed to be mentoring Junhong. I don't have time to be your chauffeur."

"You have fifty minutes." Jihoon reasoned. "Do you like him so much you don't want to spend any time with me anymore?"

"Stop it." Taeil rolled his eyes, but his hands came up to frame Jihoon's face. "I just spent the last fifteen hours with you. And I'll drive you to work... But after that, you need to leave me alone for at least six hours. I'm taking Junhong to the studio."

Jihoon solemnly nodded, then took Taeil's coat from him. "Taeil... You can't wear a brown Armani coat with black and red Dior."

And, of course he had a more appropriate, elongated leather jacket in Taeil's size. It was undeniably gorgeous, even Taeil's style, but it smelled like Jihoon. So he was already wearing too many reminders when Jihoon cornered him in the elevator.

"You look so sexy in this outfit..." He kissed behind Taeil's ear. "I want to take it off you later. Promise me."

Taeil looked straight ahead, trying not to look at the two strangers reflected in the shiny copper wall plates. He closed his eyes and felt Jihoon's gravity. "I promise."


	3. Satellite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place the evening after Junhong's first recording session at Kyung's studio...
> 
> Again, I honestly love Pyo Jihoon. This is just a spoiled, alternate version of him.

Jihoon wasn't waiting when Taeil reached the opera house, and he didn't dare come in. Nobody needed for their connection to be more obvious than it already was. So, he rolled his windows down slightly and turned off the engine; wrapped up in his leather coat and endured the cold for half an hour.

When Jihoon finally emerged, he was absurdly dismal for a man who worked a job that was essentially just smiling and bullshitting. He slid into his chair and pulled the door closed, turned on the radio, and looked at Taeil. "How was your meeting?"

Taeil turned the engine on, rolled the windows up, and started driving. "It was good. Kyung cut some tracks for Junhong and they turned out pretty impressive, especially for someone so new to the business..."

Jihoon hummed assent, but he was obviously not really paying attention. He rummaged around in his pockets until he found a tin of cigarettes and a lighter.

"Don't smoke in my car." Taeil watched him take a cigarette from the tin anyway. "Come on, Jihoon. You were fine two hours ago. What brought this on?"

Jihoon shrugged, lighting up. He pulled a few drags and finally looked at Taeil. "I wasn't. I was alone at the desk for hours, and you barely talked to me when I called."

"But here I am, as promised, letting you stink up my car." Taeil didn't even open a window. It was too cold. "I have responsibilities..."

"I know what you were doing." Jihoon opened a small gap at the top of his window and flicked his ashes. "You went to Hisui Hana. Misaki called me to say that you used my card."

Taeil felt unreasonably annoyed. "Was I supposed to be keeping it safe for you?"

"No." Jihoon took one more drag and threw the half-smoked cigarette out the window, then rolled it up. "I don't mind you spending my money..."

"Then what is it?" Taeil asked.

Jihoon stared at him, quiet. He sighed. "You still look very sexy..."

His hand was hot on Taeil's thigh, but lingered only briefly there before sliding between his legs. Taeil inhaled sharply, trying not to be reckless. "I'm driving, Jihoon."

"I know." Jihoon pressed against Taeil's fly, rubbing over his dick. "We've done this before."

"Not in these pants." Taeil was embarrassed by the noise he made. "Jihoon, I don't have any growing room in there, if you know what I mean."

He thought he caught a smile crossing Jihoon's face, but his expression was all focus and desire when Taeil looked directly at him. "Too late to worry about that..."

And yeah, Taeil was hard. Jihoon knew how to press his buttons. He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and shifted slightly, pushing against Jihoon's hand. "I swear you want to kill me."

Jihoon did smile, then. He withdrew his hand just before they pulled into the underground car park at his building, cautious of the surveillance cameras. "This building has too much security..."

Taeil parked the car in one of Jihoon's designated visitor spaces. He unbuckled his safety belt, adjusted himself in his unforgiving leather pants, and climbed out of the car. Jihoon was always five steps ahead of him, with his long legs and boundless energy. Taeil saw him jokingly shake a fist at a camera as he passed it.

In the elevator, Jihoon stepped behind Taeil and out of the range of the single camera, as he almost always did. He slid his hands around Taeil's hips and pressed kisses to his ear and temple. "Your hair is a mess, and your eyeliner is smeared..."

"It's been a busy day." And he wasn't familiar with putting upkeep into his appearance all day... Not like Jihoon. Taeil only worried about keeping makeup on and hair styled when he was on stage.

Jihoon's palms slid down, settling over the tops of his thighs. He breathed against Taeil's ear. "These pants feel really good on you."

"They still need to come off to fuck." Taeil grumbled. He'd known this was what Jihoon wanted, but did he have to be so single minded about it?

Jihoon gave him a stern look, reflected in the copper wall panel, right where Taeil tended to stare. They'd been doing this kind of thing too long, Taeil decided, if Jihoon knew exactly where his eyes would be.

But, when the elevator stopped, they still walked together to Jihoon's absurdly luxurious flat. He still waited submissively as Jihoon keyed the electronic lock, though Taeil knew the combination just as well, and they walked inside like civilized people.

Then, all bets were off. Jihoon pinned Taeil against the wall beside the door and kissed him, more urgently than usual, slipping one hand up under his shirt as he unbuckled Taeil's belt with the other.

It wasn't a comfortable place to be so passionate. The entryway only had so much space, with less than four combined feet of real wall, and a decorative table and chair. At the moment, the man-sized plush monkey from Jiho was sitting in the chair, staring at them with beady black glass eyes.

"Jihoon..." Taeil whined. He cleared his throat, tried to continue, but Jihoon kissed him again, toying with his nipple ring at the same time.

"Let him watch." Jihoon growled. He unzipped Taeil's fly and slithered his hand inside, stroking Taeil's dick a few times teasingly before trying to push his pants off his hips.

Taeil didn't help. He wanted to be out of the entryway before this got any further along. "Jihoon, I am too short and you are too tall to fuck standing up in your god damned entryway..."

Which seemed to make sense, even to someone as determined as Jihoon. He walked backward, totally secure in the placement of all his things, unbuttoning Taeil's shirt as he went. Which left open the issue of the twenty foot glass wall in his living room, and any cameras that might be outside. Taeil almost didn't follow, almost decided to be stubborn, but it was Jihoon who primarily feared discovery, not him.

And Jihoon was pulling him closer, hands inside his open shirt, following the bottom edge of his ribs around to his back before flattening out, pushing down. He cupped Taeil's bottom and pressed their hips together, nipped at his bottom lip and licked into his mouth. Any thought of cameras was gone, Taeil held on to the hair behind Jihoon's head and tried to draw out the kiss. They didn't do this often enough.

And Jihoon moved on, letting Taeil pull his hair as he dropped his head to mouth along the side of Taeil's neck, to revisit the hickey on his collar. His hold on Taeil's ass was getting annoying, grinding their hips together too urgently for this to last.

It was too hot. Taeil tried to shrug out of his shirt, but Jihoon let go of his bottom to catch his arms, leaving the shirt hanging off one shoulder when he twisted them around, pushing Taeil against the back of the couch, chest down on patent leather. Jihoon was heavy against his back, kissing along his spine.

"I want to do it like this..." He murmured, and Taeil felt a surge of conflicting reactions. His left arm was stuck in the shirt, trapped at the small of his back, and the couch was uncomfortable under his chest and stomach, but any time Jihoon spoke against his spine, a shock ran through his entire body.

He nodded mutely, reaching behind him with his free hand to touch Jihoon's cheek. Jihoon, who was breathing against his skin in a way he knew made Taeil desperate; who was running his hands all over Taeil's leather clad thighs and bottom, pushing the pants down just enough to both expose him and further trap him.

"Can we skip a few steps?"

What the hell? Taeil grabbed Jihoon's ear while it was still in reach, holding tight. "No, Jihoon! Are you kidding me? It's been almost twelve hours!"

Jihoon sighed, stopped everything for a moment and just held Taeil down. "Then, you didn't sleep with him?"

Taeil couldn't tell if he was angry or hurt, but one of those emotions twisted his gut, painfully. He could barely form words. "Why would you even ask me that?"

"Misaki said you were touching him." Jihoon followed Taeil's spine with his fingers, all the way down, and pressed them into him slightly.

Taeil choked back a gasp. It really didn't hurt, but it was insulting. He was Checking. As if Taeil was a shameless whore who randomly slept around. They weren't even a real couple, Jihoon had always insisted that there was no love between them, and Taeil still had nobody but Jihoon in years. He bit his bottom lip and said nothing.

And then Jihoon was preparing him, as if nothing had happened, and of course he'd carried lube in his pocket all damned day. He'd known he wanted to do this after work. He pressed in as soon as he could, rocking Taeil uncomfortably against the back of the couch.

There was no point holding a grudge, not in the middle of sex, with his best friend. Taeil held on the the edge of the couch, pushing back into each roll of Jihoon's hips, taking him deep. Jihoon was unusually quiet, just holding on to his hips, steadily rocking them together.

In the dark glass, Jihoon was reflected in soft focus. His frosted hair looked lighter, blonder, and with the way he towered over his couch and his jacket adding width to his shoulders, he could have been Junhong.

Taeil shuddered. He tried to see Jihoon over his shoulder and the angle was all wrong. "Jihoon... Wait... I want to see you."

"You're shaking again." Jihoon murmured against the muscle connecting shoulder to spine. He kissed the back of Taeil's neck and pulled out of him, let him strip off his clothes completely and lie down on the soft rug that defined the sitting area.

Jihoon finally took off his own clothes, settling over Taeil and kissing him. Taeil tried not to close his eyes as Jihoon entered him again, tried to stay focused on the familiar sight of Jihoon at his most focused, most attractive. The unwitting suggestion had stuck in his mind, however, and every time he drifted it was someone else making love to him.

Taeil held on, clung like he hadn't in ages. He kept pulling Jihoon down to him, kept curling a hand around his neck, grasping at his hips, trying to get him deeper inside himself. He'd given up on earning Jihoon's love so long ago, he couldn't bear to be like this, but there was no stopping himself from imagining a different scenario.

Climax hit him hard, wringing a sob from him that he didn't quite manage to stifle. He covered his face with his forearm and trembled as Jihoon found his own release.

"Taeilie," Jihoon sounded breathless and awed. "You're so sexy tonight."

"Hush." Taeil felt like he was willing words out of himself. He curled against Jihoon as they lay together on the livingroom rug, trying to soak up his warmth and his scent, to identify him as nobody else.

"I should dress you more often." Yeah, nobody else would say that. Taeil exhaled a formless little laugh against Jihoon's chest. Jihoon pulled a deep breath, rolling away slightly. "I should clean up."

"Don't." Taeil tried to pull him closer. Wasn't he always trying to pull Jihoon closer? "Please, just lie here with me a little longer. Just hold on to me."

Jihoon might have hurt his neck, craning to look at Taeil closely. He sat up. "I can't, I'm sorry. I need to clean up and you need to go home. My mother said she might come visit in the morning."

Taeil lay still, barely able to look at Jihoon's face. He nodded, locking down his expression. Looking hurt wouldn't change anything, and he was hurt, even if he wasn't surprised. He focused on the inside of his own wrist, the three sevens inked there. "Yeah, okay. That makes sense; it's good. My fish are probably hungry."

He waited until Jihoon had gone, until the shower was running, before he got up. Leaving the fancy Dior shirt and leather pants on the floor, he dressed in the white jeans and grey shirt from the previous day and wrapped his wool Armani coat around himself, indulging in his own misery for a moment, remembering how he'd gotten that coat. Old pain was almost a balm to new.

The ride in the elevator seemed to take twice as long as usual, and he resented needing to key the code to open the gate on the garage. Even when he parked at his own building, he sat at the wheel of his car for a while, grappling with shame and confusion.

Upstairs, he found that Kyung had emailed him a copy of the freestyle demo he'd done with Junhong, now mixed to include percussion and effects. He listened once before stripping his clothes into the hamper and half-drowning himself in the shower, standing a long time under the water before he even started getting clean.

He left his hair only partly dried, knowing it would frizz in a way Jihoon hated, and dressed in his least flattering sweats and oversized tee. The chair between his aquariums was big and comfortable. He curled up in it and played the track again and again until he fell asleep.


	4. Reentry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeil tries to talk to Jihoon the night after Taeil hit him....

"You can't break up with someone you've never admitted to dating, Jihoon." Taeil sounded exhausted, even to himself. He looked down the hall, worried that one of the five people who shared Jihoon's floor of the building might appear. "Do you really want to have this conversation right here?"

"No, I want you to go." Jihoon declared through the two inch opening in his door. He had the security chain engaged, making it impossible for Taeil to force his way inside.

He leaned against it anyway, for fear Jihoon might close the door completely. His chest felt tight, his eyes sore, and the helpless tangle of emotions that had closed his throat earlier, with Junhong, were still an acidic lump burning in his stomach.

"Jihoon... Please." He tried to let go the aspects of the argument that he knew were Jihoon's fault. Putting blame where it belonged wasn't important at this point. "You're my best friend."

"But, you hit me." Jihoon argued. He sounded honestly upset, honestly hurt, and Taeil tried to focus on that. "I don't even care about how or what you yelled in front of everyone... You hit me."

Taeil took a deep breath. "I know." He couldn't think of another way to stop Jihoon at the time. Explaining never helped, especially when Jihoon was getting carried away. "But, Jihoon... Everyone was there."

"Nobody minds." Jihoon insisted. "They think I don't mean anything by it, unless you overreact."

"They aren't stupid, Jihoon." Taeil pushed the toe of his boot into the gap at the bottom of the doorway.

"But I am?" Jihoon demanded. He tried to push the door closed, pinching Taeil's foot inside the protective leather of his boot.

"That wasn't what I said." Taeil tried and failed at sounding understanding. "I'm saying you know what it does to me when you touch me like that..."

"I didn't know it made you mean." Jihoon was definitely whining. "But you don't need to worry, because I won't ever get that close to you again."

Even with the whining and the epic misunderstanding, that hurt. Taeil choked, braced his shoulder against the door and pushed harder - not to open the door, but to do something with the burning pain inside his chest. "Jihoon... Don't. Don't make this into something it isn't. Please."

"You already did that." Jihoon sulked. "I don't even know who you are."

"But you do. Can't you even try to understand what happened?" Taeil knew he was begging, but he couldn't stop himself. "Junhong kept looking at what we were doing, and..."

"Junhong." Jihoon all but spat the name. "Because he's more important than me, now. Because what he thinks is worth hitting me over."

"I wasn't saying that." Taeil whispered, though his throat felt tight and his stomach ached. "I just meant that he isn't the same as our friends. I'm responsible..."

"You want him." Jihoon declared. "Don't talk about being responsible. You want him, and he's younger than me."

"Stop." Taeil barely whispered. "Jihoon, this isn't about how messed up I am-"

"Yes, it is." Jihoon managed to sound wounded, even saying something so cruel. And that was the terrible dichotomy that existed in Jihoon.

Taeil knew that Jihoon could read him, could see all of Taeil's unfiltered feelings even though he only chose to acknowledge a few. He knew that Jihoon didn't understand that he'd done anything wrong; anything that would provoke Taeil, even if he saw Taeil's struggles.

Honestly, why would he? He lived in a different world from normal people, one where money bought silence, and odd behavior was eccentric rather than strange, until it crossed some invisible line.

Taeil pulled a shuddering breath. "Okay... Maybe it is. I'm sorry..."

"You're just saying that." Jihoon argued, but he sounded almost as tortured as Taeil felt.

"I'm not." Taeil insisted. "I'm sorry, Jihoonie..."

"Don't call me that." Jihoon demanded.

"Jihoon, please." Taeil wished he could figure out a way to show how serious he was. Maybe Jihoon honestly didn't see that he would bleed for this friendship. He'd already given it more than any sane man would. "I never meant to hurt you."

He wondered if Jihoon had meant to hurt him. "You did, though. You're stronger than me."

"I wasn't thinking." Taeil tried to explain. "I know that was awful of me, and I know you're going to be upset for a while, but please Jihoonie... Just promise me that you'll talk to me later. Soon. Promise me that you'll talk through this with me..."

Jihoon was silent for a few minutes. He folded his fingers around the edge of the door, and didn't pull away when Taeil covered them with his own. "....I will. Just... Give me time, Taeil."

"...okay." Taeil rubbed his thumb over Jihoon's fingers, trying to reconnect on some small level. "Just, promise it won't be long. Please."

"I don't know, Taeil." Jihoon pulled his fingers back inside the door. "You aren't who I thought you were. You hit me... You cheated... We both know I can't trust you anymore."

Which was probably what Jihoon saw as the truth, but it was still the most purposely hurtful thing Jihoon had ever said to him. Taeil blinked back tears, holding his breath, and hoped that he hadn't thrown his life in the garbage again.

"Okay." He pulled his foot out of the doorway, unsurprised when the door immediately shut. "...I understand."


End file.
